So, you may have noticed that I haven’t written very much recently.
Since I started my blog, my policy was generally only to write if things were going well– or at least, to only highlight the positive.
The Internet is tricky. We’re all still figuring out– and as we figure it out, it’s constantly changing.
I’m honestly torn about what exactly I want this blog to be. Do I want it to be professional– kind of like my calling card, to start building connections in the field I hope to go into?
Or do I simply want to be what I’ve always “wanted to be” ever since I read the Little House on the Prairie series as a child– a writer?
Do I want to create a “reputation” as someone knowledgeable about the body– a future healthcare professional? Or do I want to tell my story, in the hopes it will help someone else out there know she isn’t alone?
It’s awkward. Actually, it’s beyond awkward.
I’ve worked in the helping professions– mental health, specifically. And there, rule #1 is never to talk about yourself– at least, never to offer up anything you wouldn’t mind having attacked later on.
And I’ve seen it– how a person can turn on you, take something you only said in an attempt to be helpful, and try to turn it into something else, twisting your words into something ugly and unrecognizable. Even sinister.
Working in mental health changed me, that’s for sure.
But even without that experience, I think we are all coming to the realization that the Internet is a place that never forgets, where mistakes are never forgiven. In this day and age of screen-shots and screen-caps and whatever else, saying something on the Internet basically means you are saying it forever.
I mean, really. Can I pour my heart out here, admitting my mistakes and defeats… and also expect people to take me seriously as their physical therapist someday?
Honestly, I don’t know.
But I have always wanted to be a writer. To put my stories into the perfect words, to hold them up to the light and examine them, to extract all the meaning from them that I can, and then to share them– that’s always been something I’ve longed to do.
So I guess I’m going to keep trying. To step out on a limb, a little bit. To test the waters.
To see what will happen if I worry less about being “professional” on here (which, frankly, has resulted in me not writing very much at all) and see what happens if I instead focus on being authentic.
Wish me luck!